Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Only Time I'm Desperate and Sychofantic.... when there is a dog I have yet to win the heart of. It can iojjiijjjjjjjiikl;jk,,,,,,,,,,,l;.

^^                                             .
That was an honest to god example of what i'll let a dog do. She lay her chin down on my laptop keyboard, and it was so close to a show of affection that I had to let her do it. 

Jojo, my boyfriend's discerning and indifferent, 9 year old dog is the one I'm focusing my attention on now. Nevermind that she's known me for about 4 years, and that the past 1 of those years she has seen me about as much as she's seen Sean (her owner/my boyfriend). It doesn't matter. I'm still met with a polite tail wag at the door as she shoves past my knees to get to Sean's, where she will then wag violently, pant, and even sometimes whine happily. 

I give her treats. I pet her beyond my own desire to pet anymore. I scritch. I feed her. I play with her. But most of what i get is a bored look and maybe even a sigh. 

Any time she wants to get on the couch next to me, I nervously try to make her as comfortable as I can, telling her she's a good girl and that i'm so pleased she's come to join me. 

She's bored by me. Even though, while I try to type, she does this:

Yes, I look like a heroin addict without makeup. But i'm not. And I sacrificed my own dignity to document how she crawls on my lap and how I allow it. 

Gotta go not take her to the vet and not make her take a bath now.

Friday, June 24, 2011

I don't GET YOU.

Whooooo the f*** cares?

This is a fan, for those of you who don't know. It's a fan that has no blades and mysteriously spits air at you from a small ring on the inside. No blades. Cool. But...really? That's literally it. And how much is it? No, not $40, which would be almost too much to spend on a fan. No, it's not $100, an outrageously overpriced price. No it's nearly $500. 

It's like paying a magician $500 to do one card trick until you figure it out, and then he keeps doing it anyway. He's just in the corner of your bedroom doing something kind of cool. Sure, he might be the topic of conversation to newcomers for a little while, but he doesn't have the standing power. 

This fan. Is stupid.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Climbing Dog

I don't know or care how this is happening, but I want this dog and I want it now.


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Confusion of Clubs

I am amazed by the people I am overhearing in the school cafe.

These kids are playing cards, for one thing, in the middle of the day on a Wednesday. Nothing wrong with that, but they have this air about them as if they are in a dark, smoky room, getting drunk, and being filmed by a camera that circles around to film them like the one in That 70s Show. Not offensively, but they just seemed a little nerdy. But the more I hear them talk the more i don't GET it.

One guy is all about P90X, which surprised be since is very slight and drinking chocolate milk with a straw. Then this other girl is "mad excited" because her "Insanity" exercise program just came in the mail. This girl is small, also slight, and looks thirteen. Then this other guy who is wearing sunglasses in the middle of the rainy day, INSIDE, just greeted his....well she's either his girlfriend or a hooker. She is wearing a leopard print 'dress' that barely covers her considerable behind and is now looking bored.

Then they go on to talk about hair highlights and a house party this weekend. I'm not trying to be judgmental, but they all look like they were badly cast for their roles. It's all very strange. It's just like, people who play cards very seriously in the middle of the day do not seem like the same kind of people who know the words to all of the mainstream songs playing. Or swearing.

To add to the weirdness, they are all using the 'n' word, and one guy keeps laughing and freaking out at a volume that implied that everyone else in the room is loud and exuberant too, but they are not--in fact they are not even reacting. What is happening?

10 minutes later--

THERE IS NOW ANOTHER GROUP. This is weird. A new group of card players have replaced the old ones at the SAME table. And none of them look happy about it, though I am quite certain it is not homework.


Sunday, April 10, 2011

Statuses Killed the Long-Winded Story

Though I am a person with more than enough to say, I am coming up blank about what to write about to amuse the few of you who are interested. I think the issue is that twitter and Facebook have got me thinking on 140 characters and fewer. Status updates have done what I cannot. They have made me speak concisely rather than extremely quickly. Because my whole life, THAT has been my solution. Talk very fast to keep people from losing interest. If I fit two minutes worth of opinions into 20 seconds, people won't lose interest. SURELY.

Not so. But maybe it's better than being long-winded.

But now, with these little empty boxes I can only fill with a few words, I have to actually trim what I'm saying.

So now, the scraps of sentences that have fallen to the kitchen floor have been picked up by the dogs: books and blogs.

If you want to read any of my entries in my voice, just think of how dialogue sounds when you fast forward on a DVD just enough so that you can still hear the voices.

All of that is to say, in status update-length summary: welcome to my little blog thing.


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