Thursday, February 28, 2013

"They can't really charge you for anything if your dog eats a cat."

Sentences that happen in casual conversation with best friends. 

It's not like my dog is all or whatever. It's just that he likes to playyyyy, and when animals can't withstand his 80lbs and powerful punches to the face, they tend to get hurt. Nothing bad has happened yet, but man...every time he encounters a small dog, they just snarl at him immediately. It's like they just see his bouncy little ears, all-muscle body, and that goofy look on his face and just know what's coming. 

So this new thing I do, is I take him to the tennis court at night and let him run around. I would obviously play fetch with him...but he thinks the rules of fetch are: I throw the ball, you run after it, step over it, and smell something gross on the ground. Then he thinks I'm supposed to get it and throw it some more so that he can eventually lose all interest entirely. It's rude. 

NO PROBLEM OAKLEY, I LOVE TO SIT OUT ON HUMID NIGHTS TO BE EATEN ALIVE BY MOSQUITOS AND IGNORED ENTIRELY BY MY RESCUE DOG. I mean, like, does he not get that I rescued his furry little blonde behind?

What a jerk. 

Anyway. Last night at the tennis court, after he so classily pooped right on the doubles line, a cat darted through the night and towards Oakley. So for this one horrible moment, I became convinced that something awful was about to happen. 

And that brought up the question: what exactly am I supposed to do if my dog actually eats a cat tonight?

Do I just...amble on home? Do I throw I throw it away? Can I get arrested? Will Oakley go to Paw Prison?

Don't worry, I didn't have to find out. The cat wisely got the eff out of that situation. 

Then we went home.

Monday, February 25, 2013

I'm supposed to have a blog, so I should probably do that.

I have had a blog for four years now, technically, and yet I've published like ALMOST nothing. I have spanned the ages of 19-23. Literally the most interesting time of my life, and I have said nothing to anyone on the internet.

It's not like I don't have anything to say, either. I don't mean in a big, dramatic, "I have a lot to say about the human experience" kind of way. Just like, I talk non-effing-stop, in general. My best friend and I text each other three minute videos alllll the time just talking about nothing.

So I figure really I should be doing some of my talk here, since I'm like, supposed to or whatever.