Monday, November 1, 2010

Never Ask if it's a Costume

“So what are you guys going as? Urban Outfitters models?”

That is the question I asked a group of girls. The answer apparently was that they weren’t going as anything, and that I am an idiot. This is when I learned that you never ask someone what he or she is going as unless it’s really obvious. In which case you probably don’t need to ask. It’s like how you never ask someone if they’re pregnant.
Also never go to a hipster indie party where you know nobody if you are going as Ke$ha. 
My friend went as the Black Swan (Natalie Portman)
I did her makeup. She wore a little black skirt and an American Apparel leotard. This movie hasn’t been released yet, but people accepted it when she said it. They nodded and smiled and said, “Ohhhh oh oh, okay cool cool.” But for my costume, I got a bunch of scathing looks. Everyone knows that in college most people dress as total skanks. “I’m a dirty cop!” “I’m a naughty nurse…” 
I simply went as the unbelievably sleazy/awful/fabulous Ke$ha.
I wore a sequin skirt, a bunch of necklaces, a long blonde wig, makeup across my face with stick-on rhinestones, a leopard fur coat and a metallic neon headband around my head. Now, it’s true I wore only a bra under the leopard thing, but my coat was clasped in the front so it mostly just showed my stomach. It wasn’t that bad in the context of a college Halloween. But I chose to go to a stupid party the Friday before Halloween. It was definitely a costume party. But there really were a lot of people not in costume. 
If they were in costume, they were usually costumes that were trying to be clever but really were just pretentious. I asked those girls what they were going as, and they said nothing but exchanged a bunch of looks, that was when I asked if they were going as UO models. Then one of them said, as I walked away, “You really shouldn’t just ask people…” 
But I mean come on, it’s not like I asked one of them if they were going as Fat Albert or anything. "Oh! Don't tell me...Rosie O'Donnell!"

So I got a lot of “look at that girl…” and “is she wearing anything under that coat?” They were like a bunch of prudish old women, taking handkerchiefs to their trembling lips and exchanging whispers.
But the people who did get it, totally got it. These two fabulous guys called me “Kee-money-hah” all night, and totally understood the costume, and how awesome it was, and how annoying everyone else was by not getting it. But the unbelievable thing was that hardly ANYONE knew who Ke$ha was even when I said it. They all acted like I made it up. When I sang “Tik Tok” they still didn’t understand. So then the conversation would fall flat and I had just sung out loud in a costume no one understood.
So on Sunday when all of my friends and I went to Fell’s Point, a place in Baltimore, MD that just crawls with people in costumes and going from bar to bar (I just wandered around all night pretty much) I made the wise choice to write “TIK TOK” on my stomach. I knew not everyone would get it, but hopefully a few more people would. 
But somehow, I walked past someone whose reaction was—spoken to their friend—“Dick dock? What’s a dick dock?”

Lesson learned. Never, ever go as Ke$ha again, and never ask people what their costume is.

I did my boyfriend's zombie makeup.

Buzz Lightyear, OBVI

Doing the zombie makeup.

Eminem M&M

Nerd, Mad Men Secretary, Eminem M&M

I did excellent makeup on Greg.

ke$ha and captain america. Unstoppable.

Brad Pitt from Fight Club.