The Plus

The Plus of the Wii Fit Plus

It should be noted that when you continue to get one-star ratings, the music sounds as if it’s being played on a xylophone, and that it sounds like the love scene from a Lifetime movie (of which there are mostly the opposite). I just got two stars on “Soccer Heading” which is again, just a line-up of people aiming to hit you with not just soccer balls, but teddy bears and shoes and…panda heads. Apparently the heroic fanfare I get at two stars is for being an “amateur.”

Okay then there’s this one where you have to sit. Still. Sit still and watch a candle melt. The idea is that if you are focused, the flame will stay still. Otherwise it will shake. It may not come as a surprise to find that I was exceptionally “unbalanced” (one star) at this. My boyfriend Sean—here on out referred to simply as ‘Sean’ because I’m not trying to be all ‘may boyfreh’—sits down on the thing and gets ‘Champion’ (four stars) on his first try. The fanfare was overly exuberant. And let me just s ay that while he was on his way to getting this fanfare, the screen was black with only the candle and the light emitting from it, and then there are just footsteps. Just ghosts or something. Whatever they are, these unseen characters walk in, clear their throat—seemingly uncomfortably—and then they leave. Then this moth flutters around. But besides that, nothing much happens.

Sean is not doing quite as well on everything else Wii Balance Games have to offer. The lifetime music just played for him on the ski jump game (which makes him crouch and then extend his knees), and I heard him say, “Okay, I get it, I can do better.” Then he tries again, only gets 61 meters, and goes, “Oh come—are you serious?”

“I hate all these things,” he just muttered. 

And by the way, let’s talk about besides the balance games. No not the strength training, I’ve gone nowhere near that yet. Just when the little tiny sneaky-sounding voice tells you to ‘step on!’ to the board, and you do, it acts surprised by how incredibly fat you are, but like it’s trying to be polite—kind of an: “Oh...” 

I don’t know why. It’s not explained, nor clear.

He’s doing strength training now. Not interesting. I just know that the woman training him (don’t ask me why he selected the woman) just said “press down on the control panel to view me from the back” while she was on all fours. I’m just saying.